Reminiscing on 2019 and Welcoming our Third Child

There's no doubt that a woman's pregnancy and delivery is by far the most natural and yet straining  process on a woman's body. It is in itself a miracle and a process we endure for the sake of a new life in the world, and yet we forget the pains as time goes by. That's probably why we women are willing to subject ourselves to the pains of labor all over again sometimes. Well, to say the least before I got married I would have never guessed I would have subjected my body through three cesarean surgeries, and yet here I am, with a newborn only 9 days old and in the healing process.... Only the Lord could have given me the strength and courage to persevere and be submissive to the pains to bring about a new cry to this world.

This past year has been life changing to the point where I realized that all the years prior were preparing me for this -- becoming a stay-at-home mom during this time. With two kids under 3 years old and no experience of fully devoting my whole day to them, well let's just say it was a disaster from the start. In February 2019 we finally decided that I would try to stay at home with the girls so that I wouldn't have any doubts later in life about what it would've been like to be with them and to rid of myself from this guilt of leaving them all day at daycare. It was a personal decision, but I received so much support from Pierre that we discerned it was a good and opportune time to take a break from my career.

Not long after that we found out I was pregnant with our third. As I was trying to adjust with entertaining the girls (and myself), emotions of missing my work and keeping my brain active, and pregnancy hormones, I began to realize the urgency for me to strengthen my relationship with the Virgin Mary -- the Theotokos. So for her Feast of the Visitation on May 31st we consecrated our marriage to Mary, knowing that we needed her guidance and her heart to walk with her towards Jesus for the good of our marriage and our family. I know she has been so present in my life in the past, and I have seen her intercession many times ever since our consecration. God only knows how many times I have cried in the bathroom to get away from the girls and even Pierre sometimes because the vocation of motherhood, especially staying at  home, has been very difficult for me. I felt that it was not an apt vocation for me at times, because I had desires to be someone, to be recognized at work, to be a strong and successful woman in the workforce, which I understand the drive is good and normal but in my reality-- with two young children and a third one on the way-- I had a hard time accepting that this was the right call for the time being. I hope you can understand my internal struggle that continued with me, one of not knowing if I would go back to work, one of also not wanting to leave the girls alone again to go back to work, and one of wanting to be looked at as more than just an ordinary stay at home mother. But again, the Lord in his simplicity and patience would speak to me through events and encouragements from my brothers in the community at church, and from the readings of the week. I would find my footing again and be able to enjoy life with my family, slowly learning patience and confidence in parenting.

It had been a tough transition in the beginning, yet I persisted with God's help. I began to make friends with other mom's in the neighborhood with kids the same age. I began to research weekly events at the library and around town. I took an interest in how to teach my kids at home (and stumbled on homeschooling resources, which is another story in itself). My brain began to come alive again with new information, new activities and projects, new ways to approach my kids, and new cooking recipes and routines to make daily life more interesting. Needless to say by the time the third trimester (October) came around I felt so empowered in my daily routine that having a big belly and the thought of a new life wasn't a huge ordeal anymore.

And a small word on the pregnancy: the previous two deliveries were done through c-section, and talking with my doctor this could be my last attempt at a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). Thank God the whole pregnancy was normal until my delivery date approached. I was worried that at 39 weeks I wasn't dilated, baby's head was still high, and no signs of contractions that would indicate I would go into labor. So after accepting that this baby was going to be a cesarean delivery and yielding to our scheduled cesarean on her due date, I took the weekend to 'mourn' the thought of not experiencing a natural birth and to restore my confidence in that God would help me through this surgery again. I'm so glad that we had Saturday night's Eucharist -- a chance to receive Christ and his word -- and then Sunday evening with the three wise men celebration for the kids. It filled me with courage despite the human fear of undergoing a painful procedure and recovery. God only knows why my baby was delivered on January 6th, the Feast of the Epiphany and also my grandfather Melchor's birthday whom I never met. Oh come Emmanuel. Prince of Peace, counselor, mighty God, Emmanuel.

I walked into the OR trembling from fear and nervousness, got on the table, and as the doctors prepped me I began my prayer -- Senor Jesus, hijo de David, ten piedad de mi que soy un pecador (Lord Jesus, son of David, have mercy on me, a sinner). With the cry of the baby, and seeing her for the first time when she was lifted up, my heart rejoiced. Tears filled up my eyes as I became a mother for the third time. And so when I was put back on my bed, and given my new baby in my arms, I rejoiced singing the Salve Regina.

We found out from my OBGYN doctor that the baby's foot was in front of her face, and the umbilical cord wrapped 3 times around her neck, not allowing her to fully rest on my cervix and thus working against my body that wanted to push her out. And more alarming, my uterus lining was very thin that it would have ruptured had I chosen to induce to continue trying a VBAC. So in the findings I realized that the Lord had prepared everything for me perfectly, despite the delivery not going the way I had originally wanted. It filled me with relief and joy to know that the Lord had kept me safe, through the intercession of Mary my mother.

Now Pierre and I are at home, dealing with my recovery slowly, and more settled in taking care of our newborn Marie-France. Praise the Lord oh my soul, and worship His holy name, for he has kept me under his wing.

God, you are my God, I pine for you;
my heart thirsts for you, my body longs for you,
as a land parched, dreary and waterless.
Thus I have gazed on you in the sanctuary,
seeing your power and your glory.
Better your faithful love than life itself;
my lips will praise you.
Thus I will bless you all my life,
in your name I will lift up my hands.
All my longings fulfilled as with fat and rich foods,
a song of joy on my lips and praise in my mouth.
On my bed when I think of you,
I muse on you in the watches of the night,
for you have always been my help;
in the shadow of your wings I rejoice;
my heart clings to you, your right hand upholds me."
-Psalms, 63